After recently becoming an adult, I have no choice but to reflect on the process of growing up.
The fact is age is just a number and it is safe to say your road to manhood is far more delicate than simply 18 years of life. We are nothing if not defined by our actions . You see, there are a few infamous milestones in every man’s life that deserve a special recognition. Most of which, probably gave you that first boner kind of feeling. You know, that’s not a bad start. I mean first boner and all. At the time, I’m sure we couldn’t have wished for anything more in life!
Then us little fuckers find porn and start shooting blanks all over the place…. Now, I can vividly remember at 11 years old, feeling complete with this whole porn business and began exploring all kinds of kinky shit.
Though, it was only a matter of time before we found the next best thing and our daddies gave us that bitter first sip of beer or we mistook that 100 dollar scotch for the apple juice. Ill never forget the words, “Its an acquired taste you’ll get used to it !” all the while thinking, ‘get this piss-water away from me! I want the GOD DAMN apple juice.’
Now just like that one inch became a footlong; that first sip became a half glass and that half glass became a 6 pack and soon enough we found ourselves crushing all kinds of crazy shit with our pals: falling over backwards, more shots, puke a little, more shots, pass out getbackup and more shots. Next thing you know your waking up with a blistering headache, a bucket of puke and having to call your younger siblings into the room to find out what the fuck had happened last night.
And it was only a matter of time before the world of porn magically cured women of cooties. Instantaneously, we stop giving a rats ass about anything other then that special someone and soon enough we find ourselves losing touch with the boys. those are always sad days. (Did you ever wonder where the term man tears come from…………..? The boobs.) Soon enough you start to toss around the famous three words: I love you. Continually, your relationship gets a little more serious and you do the dirty. Church bells ring, the gospel sings Hallelujah and then she dumps your ass.
Luckily enough, as men we will always have the boys and no matter how much you neglected them they will always take you in like a lost puppy. Fortunately enough, the boys have discovered a pretty lil thing called Mary Jane, the perfect rebound for any break up . Here we begin to see the world in its loving existence and over the next 6 months of our lives we live primarily for the little things: 4 junior chickens, a nap in a car, the chicken nuggets, hour walks (most of which measure a distance of your average city block), another nap and lastly more porn.
Eventually you cut back on the dope and you start getting a little more serious about your education. Soon you find another girl and you start to worry about your future.
Now, its your 18th birthday and everything seemingly enough has lead you to manhood conveniently for your birthday and that night though is a story in itself………………